What I am about to share may not be popular or what I “should” say or feel but I don’t care. I can’t be the only one who has had these feelings. Through years of struggling to get pregnant, countless surgeries, and more mental pain then I can begin to explain this is one of the most amazing times in my life. That doesn’t mean that it hasn’t come with it’s own set of struggles.
I have felt like due to this I wasn’t allowed to complain or have negative thoughts, my husband told me that wasn’t true, that after all of it I could complain all I wanted. I appreciate that since he gets the brunt of it. However I am still very self conscious.
The weight gain has been something very difficult for me to handle. I absolutely love my belly and the way it is growing and changing. However it isn’t the only thing getting bigger! My legs have really grown and it’s just been hard for me to deal with. The number on the scale at each appointment gives me more anxiety and stress. The doctors say the number is just fine and I look great. That isn’t what this is about, I don’t need other people to tell me I look great. It’s about me and how I feel and unfortunately it’s been so hard for me and something I wasn’t ready for.
I am very thankful to work from home during this because when I do leave the house, even if it’s just for a walk, I get very nervous and anxious about finding something to wear. I need something that is comfortable, fits, doesn’t make me look wide, keeps my bell covered, breathes and so much more. Looking in my closet is such a difficult experience. I normally just wear the same couple pairs of shorts and few tank tops or t shirts. When I do go out there are normally tears and about 100 outfit changes but I do still go out so that is a positive.
This pregnancy is truly a miracle and feeling her move and grow is amazing. I am very thankful she is healthy and will be here so soon but until then I am having a hard time. I am dealing with it each day and trying my best to stay healthy and be confident in who I am. This is the journey I am on and it’s ok that I have hard days and that I feel this way. It’s also ok if you have been there too.